"What gives, I thought I was over this."

"What gives, I thought I was over this."

It's a wonderful feeling to have completed a trial or test in the spiritual life. The situation may still be ongoing but your struggle within it is over. God had revealed to you in the midst of the trial, how to trust Him and put it in His hands. Through it you had seen certain promises in a different light and you found yourself believing them wholeheartedly. For a time during the trial you were worried, angry, stressed, vengeful, frightened, etc. but you no longer are. You were (fill in the mental attitude sin) and you finally learned to cast that upon the Lord. It's wonderful feeling to have completed a trial in the spiritual life. 1PE 5:10 And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.

When trials are accomplished by God we can see and feel our strength increase as well as our maturity. Here was a situation that initially brought sin in your life and you persevered through it and overcame it through Him. If you're like me you relished in the fact that you were forever a conqueror in that particular situation. You may have said to yourself, as I have, "Now I'll not fail like I did if this ever happens again." But then … like after a flood had finally abated, and all the damaged goods had been repaired or replaced, and all was dry again, there comes another wall of water that will damage it all again. What is sobering, and amazing at the same time, is that it seems to be a trial within the arena of the same situation, or a very similar one that you had been through before.

The same weakness and frailty has been brought to the surface of my soul by the way of a situation that I was sure I had conquered forever, and I find myself filled with the same mental attitude sins again. "Am I learning nothing?!!"

The Apostle Peter was clearly shown by God in Act 10 that the Gentiles were fellow heirs of the promise so that in the church neither Jew or Gentile meant anything, for all were one in Christ. He later found himself ministering in the church at Antioch and freely eating with the Gentiles. But then some Jews from Jerusalem arrived and Peter found himself in the same trial. Should he eat only with the Jews according to their customs as he had been brought up or should he leave that behind in faith in what the Lord had revealed to him. He failed this trial. GAL 2:11-12 But when Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned. For prior to the coming of certain men from James, he used to eat with the Gentiles; but when they came, he began to withdraw and hold himself aloof, fearing the party of the circumcision.

This is just what happened to me a short while ago. And for me it was the exact same situation that I had faced at a prior time and had, after some struggle and striving with God, overcome in faith and in the trust of my Lord. He faithfully brought me through it and He took my fears and worries and He replaced them with peace and joy. But there I was, facing the same situation, in fact two situations working together. I started to doubt and fear and worry and get angry at God all over again. It was a mighty mental attitude sin salad [MASS] with all the usual fixins. The MASS was pressing down on my soul as it had before. "What gives, I thought I was over this?"

I think I usually looked at weakness being involved in deserved suffering only, meaning, sins are committed from an area of weakness and suffering results. I had not yet seen how a weakness can be so easily brought to the surface and rear its ugly head through an undeserved test.

"A linen handkerchief might think itself white until the snow falls, and then it sees itself a dirty yellow." [Barnhouse]. What I love about this quote is that it brings up perspective. God is excellent at adjusting our perspective when necessary, but He does it slowly and patiently because of His love for us. Victory through Him over a trial in the spiritual life makes all of us feel strong and holy (set apart in life unto God), and quite right, the fact is that you are stronger and holier (in experience) in that particular area of your life than you were before the trial, but that in no way means that you now have a fullness of strength in that particular area. And this, God makes obvious by returning you to the same arena to fight the same opponent. And inexplicably, for the moment at least, you find yourself committing the same failures. God is not trying to discourage you. He is only showing you that your strength in this area is only a dirty yellow and not a bright white. You thought you have a strong castle built in this place, but it was more like a house of cards or a house of straw. Take courage. Your strength in that area used to be much darker. It is simply time for your next washing. These repeated trials that we face are similar because our greatest weakness do not randomly morph themselves into different ones, instead, they remain the same. God is working on it for you. But He will take the perfect amount of time to do it. He wants you to feel confident and strong about those areas of weakness as you grow up since in essence, in your position in Christ, you really are. But the reality of experience in this life always lags behind the reality of our permanent position in Him. We are for all time growing spiritually. If you always saw yourself as weak it would be much harder to walk in confidence before God. But when the time is right, it is time to discover again that that weakness is still existent and potentially dangerous to your walk with God. So God allows you to be in a situation again that brings it to the surface. All the while, He has been lovingly preparing you for this. Believe me, and I wish all of us could instantly remember this, it is not a time to feel bad about yourself or disappointed in yourself. It is a time to rejoice and get to work in faith, for the eternal Carpenter is with you again to build up the supports of the house in your soul that both you and He share. 1CO 3:11-13 For no man can lay a foundation other than the one which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if any man builds upon the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw, each man's work will become evident; for the day will show it, because it is to be revealed with fire; and the fire itself will test the quality of each man's work.

One of the reasons that the same type of trial seems to be just as hard or even harder than the one before is that you have seen more of the light of Christ since the last time. When the pressure of the trial brings the Adamic nature to the surface to be seen in all its horrible ways, the believer who has seen more of Christ's light is even more repulsed by it. In this way we never forget it is there, lingering in the shadows, waiting for its chance. Also, we are clearly reminded of what it was that Christ delivered us from. This disgusting, evil nature has been crucified with Christ and we have been made brand new creatures in Him by His one act of righteousness. The Adamic nature is not who we are anymore. If God can do what He did to cast it away from me and to justify me then can He not handle this problem, even though it kindles and ignites my weakness? God can and has overcome my weakness through Christ. And with these truths, you are on your way to persevering through another trial and getting stronger. 

I found myself, when in the midst of this last trial of mine, and the trial was what a pastor teacher would face (apparently much more than once), that I was saying to God that I could do His will and pastor and teach His congregation a lot easier if I didn't have to deal with this stuff. This was my argument. I was the jurist (expert in law) at the bar giving my lucid and foolproof argument to the Judge. "Surely, You have to consider what I say. This would be much easier." He said, "No, it won't be, it'll be harder for you. And please, don't call me Shirley!" I wasn't a jurist in any spiritual sense, but a believer faltering in faith.

I likened this to Paul's request for the removal of his thorn in the flesh, though certainly I don't consider my little problem on par with his. I'd like to think that Paul thought the same thing. "I could build Your church much easier if You would take this thing away."

It's actually an unanswerable question to God and I think that's why He may be silent when it's asked. It's like asking the shape of the color blue. One doesn't go with the other, just like God's work through the believer cannot be accomplished without the spiritual growth that comes from facing trials. God's work requires strength and strength comes from pressure. It's that simple. If I say I'm going to increase my muscle mass by lifting less weights, I don't make any sense. If God heeded our requests to take it away so we could more easily serve Him, then we're asking to never grow up and never be vessels of honor useful to the Master.

I don't know why this is so hard to remember when the trial begins. It seems that almost every time there is an initial reaction that would not be classified in the victory column. I guess it might be that it never comes when we expect it. Like someone scaring us from around the corner. We always have an initial jump and a gasp. I love haunted houses and I love to get scared, but even when I know it's coming, it still makes me jump. None of us arrive. I don't believe that how you start the trial is near as important as how you finish it.

We can't accomplish anything in the spiritual life if our house is a house of cards. If we only think we are strong, but we're really not, it will be no problem for Satan, the world, or the sin nature to knock it all over, falling into a heap on the floor. And yet Satan is always willing to do so. His arrogance blinds him to God's greater purpose. If we're humble, when the area in our lives that is the house of cards is blown over, with God we build it again, but stronger. Yet it's not yet strong enough, so God finds a way to allow Satan to go at it again, and it gets knocked over again and I'm sure Satan and his cronies all pat themselves on the back, but with God we rebuild it again; even stronger. God allows Satan to test, which Satan can't resist, and we only get stronger. The eternal Carpenter knows exactly what He's doing, and because He loves us so much more than we could ever imagine, He will keep on doing that which is for us, and eventually we come around to seeing it just as He does.

The arrogant hate to be shown that they're weak where they falsely believed they were strong. 2TI 3:16-17 All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.

To the arrogant God is opposed and theirs is discipline from the love of God with the purpose of teaching them the humility they need. To the humble there is nothing but grace; giving, super-abounding grace, and their response is thankfulness to their loving God in making them stronger in Him.

Be the humble student of the word of God and don't be so surprised when you find out that your handkerchief is dirty yellow.

Love to all in Christ,

Pastor Joe Sugrue

Grace and Truth Ministries