Ephesians 5:22 – 6:9, Marriage restored to its divine design.Tuesday February 1, 2022
The main idea: The redemption of Christ is aimed at removing the results of sin and of the fall in every way.
In our study of Eph 4-6 we have seen that Paul’s main theme is walking or living in a divine way. God made every believer the new humanity, or “new man” as Paul puts it, through the finished work of Christ on the cross, and that creation is to live according to the divine way of life. Paul presents a fine description of that life for each believer individually, as part of the church, in marriage, in family, at work, and finally, in spiritual warfare.
The fall brought great ruin on everything. We are focusing on the institution of marriage. The fall wrought havoc on marriage.
The history of mankind began in wedlock. The family is the first institution in society, and mother of all the rest.
Christian marriage isn’t God’s latest attempt at success in marriage, nor is it an old fashioned idea; it is the one design from the beginning, and which will ultimately be fulfilled in eternity with Christ as the Bridegroom and the church and Israel as one new man in the bride.
“God did not create human beings to be isolated persons, but in making us in His image, He made us in such a way that we can attain interpersonal unity of various sorts in all forms of human society. Interpersonal unity can be especially deep in the human family and also in our spiritual family, the church. Between men and women, interpersonal unity comes to its fullest expression in marriage, where husband and wife become two persons in one.” [Grudem, Systematic Theology]
Mat 19:3-6 And some Pharisees came to Him, testing Him, and saying, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause at all?" 4 And He answered and said, "Have you not read, that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, 'For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh'? 6 "Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."
Notice that it is God who joins them together. When we marry it is very significant. God joins the husband and wife into one flesh. This should cause us to revere marriage and see its importance, which will help both the husband and wife in their submission to their respective roles.
Marriage was given to us by God. It is His institution. Two people, a man and a woman, become one flesh. It is to be the closest physical relationship in which the two give themselves to one another and are not ashamed. Beyond that, and more important, is their moral relationship. Only in marriage does a woman submit to a man in everything (employment is not everything). Only in marriage is a man responsible to lead in everything (employer is not everything). In marriage only are these blended most completely.
In marriage there are blended most completely the two principles of association amongst moral beings, - authority and love; submission and self-surrender.
Because of the work of Christ this relationship can work in a divine way.
Authority without love is tyranny. Submission without self-surrender is slavery. Man, male and female made in the image of God, was not made for either tyranny or slavery. Even God, who alone is worthy of tyranny by having all authority, does not force us into submission when the issue is a relationship of fellowship with Him. Satan will be forced and so all unbelievers, but those who enter into marriage with Christ are asked to believe and submit, and if any of them have leadership positions, they are to fulfill them as Christ with a slave’s apron around His waist and a bowl of water in one hand and a dirty foot from an ignorant disciple in the other. In other words, both the authority and those under authority must have a heart of submission.
Because of our Lord’s humble service as one with all authority, the apostles and disciples eventually learned to serve others just as sacrificially. Still, through Christ’s finished work on the cross, the disciples were all baptized by the Holy Spirit and made new creatures in Christ. With redemption, the ministry of the Holy Spirit, and the modelling of the life by Christ, the disciples and all believers are able to imitate Christ in all institutions.
The husband is to have authority and love while the wife has submission and self-surrender. All institutions come from the same place since they must have a moral relationship in their members and an authority and submission.
Christ’s way can be found in every walk of life when there are faithful believers fulfilling their roles in subjection to Christ.
Paul turns the focus from husband and wife to their oneness – Christian marriage is a picture of kingdom of God just like the church is.
Eph 5:31-33 For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect [phobetai – fear] her husband.
Speaking with reference to Christ and the church does not mean that he hasn’t been referring to actual marriage. Paul makes sure to clarify that in vs. 33.
The great mystery, he points out, is not found in the Garden of Eden between Ish and Ishshah, but now in the relationship of Christ and His bride, the church.
That doesn’t at all mean that the marriage in the Garden wasn’t extremely significant, it was, but only that it was the first type of what God planned as the eternal marriage, which was Christ to the church, and at the fulfillment of the covenants at His second coming, to Israel.
The true pattern of marriage is Christ and the church and not the Garden of Eden. If we based our hope on the Garden of Eden then we might imagine that in our marriages and homes that we can create something perfect – a perfect environment with two perfect people who are perfectly in love. We definitely strive for perfection, but we also know that it is not reality.
Since the great mystery of marriage is Christ and the church, we look at redemption, giving love, and sacrifice.
We would add comfort, understanding, and forgiveness. Christ didn’t restore the Garden of Eden in this age, but instead He made us new in Him and gave us each the spiritual blessings that are of the final divine design of man.
Christ gave Himself to make the church His bride and to make her beautiful. The husband’s role is not based on Adam but on Christ. The saved church honors and submits to its Head, and so the wife willingly subjects herself to her husband. The wife’s role is not based on Eve but on the redeemed church. In marriage, therefore, we are to have submission to Christ in a world filled with enemies that are trying to destroy our harmonious love and humble acceptance of our roles. This is not the Garden of Eden, but something that more resembles a wilderness lurking with danger and Christians in the midst of it with surpassing power within themselves.
The husband is given authority over the wife and similarly, the Father had authority over the Son during His incarnation. Though the Son willfully subjected Himself to the Father, the Son was God, co-equal with the Father. The husband has authority over the wife, but they are both equal as persons in Christ.
Gen 3:16-19 To the woman He said,
"I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you shall bring forth children; Yet your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you."
17 Then to Adam He said, "Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you, saying, 'You shall not eat from it';
Cursed is the ground because of you; In toil you shall eat of it All the days of your life. 18 "Both thorns and thistles it shall grow for you; And you shall eat the plants of the field; 19 By the sweat of your face You shall eat bread, Till you return to the ground, Because from it you were taken; For you are dust, And to dust you shall return."
They are not told that they would now have to do different things, but the same things would be painful and difficult. Before the fall, Eve could have children and she desired her husband. Before the fall, Adam cultivated the ground and had authority over his wife.
The curse: Adam would desire to abuse his authority and Eve would desire to rebel against his legitimate authority.
The text of Gen 3, when God pronounced the curses upon Adam and Eve after the fall indicates that their relationship would become strained. To Eve God said that “He shall rule over you” (Gen 3:16). The word rule (mashal) is a strong term used of monarchial governments, not generally of authority over a family. That these statements are curses would lead us to think that Adam’s rule (which he possessed before the fall) would become more harsh as fitting a sinner as opposed to his perfect nature before the fall. The rulership of Adam over his wife would become dictatorial or uncaring rather than considerate. Eve was told that her “desire would be for her husband” (Gen 3:16). That doesn’t sound like a curse until you look at the word a little more closely (teshuqah) which has the nuance of a desire to conquer. Fallen Eve would have a wrong desire to usurp her husband. Therefore, at the fall, conflict was brought into marriage: Adam would have a desire to rule like a tyrant and Eve would have a desire to rebel against his authority. This bears out in the history of mankind.
We would expect to find in the New Testament, with the redemptive work of Christ completed, an undoing of the painful aspects of the relationship that resulted from sin and the curse, and this is exactly what we find.
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