Ruth: 1:20-21; The doctrine of bitterness, part 8 - avoiding bitterness in marriage.

Title: Ruth: 1:20-21; The doctrine of bitterness, part 8 - avoiding bitterness in marriage.  

 

Avoiding bitterness in marriage: COL 3:19

Husbands are commanded to not be bitter against their wives.

 

We will return to this  passage in Col 3. We then turned to Tit 2 to see that the wife is commanded to love her husband, where Paul used the Greek word philandrous. This love is synonymous with agape, but it also contains an element of affection and endearment.

 

Both husband and wife should have an affectionate, endearing love as well as a sacrificial love. We are aiming for the standard of Christ in Christian marriage and not some compromise that "might work."

 

We also turned to Mat 19 and saw our Lord's teaching on marriage and divorce. You might have questions on what constitutes a legitimate divorce in the eyes of God, but the Lord said from the beginning there have been none. However, it was allowed under the law of Moses due to the weakness of man. Our Lord stated that if a man or woman were to divorce for any other reason than the act of adultery and then remarried, then he/she committed adultery. At that time it was common for the Jews to divorce over the most trivial of reasons. This still leaves questions, however, this is not our subject, and I am also confident that the Bible would not answer the question of what divorce is legitimate. Again, we are after Christ's standard and not what is allowed due to man's weakness.

 

If ever you have questions for me, just email me and I'll do the best I can with what I have, but always understand that I will only make conclusions from the scriptures and not the teachings of men that have no scriptural proof.

 

JER 29:8 "For thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, 'Do not let your prophets who are in your midst and your diviners deceive you, and do not listen to the dreams which they dream.

 

JER 29:9 'For they prophesy falsely to you in My name; I have not sent them,' declares the Lord.

 

Falsehood being taught in the name of God continues and is quite prevalent in our day.

 

False ideas on marriage are certainly the mainstream and even the church has allowed some of the world's ideas on marriage to infiltrate their doctrine.

 

JER 29:10 "For thus says the Lord, 'When seventy years have been completed for Babylon, I will visit you and fulfill My good word to you, to bring you back to this place.

 

JER 29:11 'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the Lord,' plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.

 

Christ's laws concerning marriage are designed to give us a great future and secure our hope or expectation.

 

JER 29:12 'Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.

 

JER 29:13 'And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

 

JER 29:14 'And I will be found by you,' declares the Lord,' and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,' declares the Lord,' and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile.'

 

God defines marriage as a covenant relationship, as is the covenant with Israel and so with the New Covenant of Christ and the church. This understanding will guard us from bitterness.

 

When we understand this overreaching importance to the marriage covenant, then we will find ourselves not getting bitter so easily. If my main desire was to make my marriage like the covenant of God with the church then I wouldn't be focusing on what I expect to get out of it. Rather, I would only be thinking of what I'm putting into it.

 

Our main desire for our marriages should be to make them like the covenant of Christ with the church. Such desire removes selfishness.  

 

Selfishness leads to want and want leads to bitterness.

 

Let's see the Lord's attitude towards marriage in another passage.

 

The Book of Malachi, written around the time of Nehemiah, after the captivity, around 450 BC, contains one single prophecy, the character of which is condemning throughout. Starting with the love which the Lord has shown to His people (MAL 1:2-5), the prophet proves that not only do the priests profane the name of the Lord by an unholy performance of the service at the altar, but the people also repudiate their divine calling both by heathen marriages and frivolous divorces.

 

MAL 1:2 "I have loved you," says the Lord.

 

This sets the tone of the whole book. However, even in this time, just a generation or two after their return from captivity, they have not loved the Lord in return. The priesthood had profaned their office and the people followed.

 

MAL 2:10 "Do we not all [Israel] have one father? Has not one God created us? Why do we deal treacherously each against his brother so as to profane the covenant of our fathers?

 

MAL 2:11 "Judah has dealt treacherously, and an abomination has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem; for Judah has profaned the sanctuary of the Lord which He loves, and has married the daughter of a foreign god.

 

God is the Father of Israel. He commanded that they not marry the idolater [daughter of a foreign god], but they did while divorcing their Jewish wives.

 

MAL 2:12 "As for the man who does this, may the Lord cut off from the tents of Jacob everyone who awakes and answers, or who presents an offering to the Lord of hosts.

 

In other words, just giving an offering while continuing in this conduct is not going to do anything.

 

MAL 2:13 "And this is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand.

 

MAL 2:14 "Yet you say, 'For what reason?' Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.

 

They had Jewish wives to whom they vowed before the Lord, and they put away these wives so that they might marry a foreign idolater.

 

Yet they were still bringing offerings to the temple, and even the offerings were of low quality animals (1:7).

 

They got what they lusted for, but what was the result? Weeping and groaning.

 

They got the wives that they wanted and they kept the animals that they wanted and they broke the commands that they wanted, but what was the result? Their hearts were filled with weeping and groaning.

 

It would seem that these were older men. The wives they had put away were the wives of their youth. She was your companion. She was young, but now she is older, and a younger foreigner is willing to marry you.

 

God's plans are discovered in His way:

 

JER 29:11

'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the Lord,' plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'

 

We expect prosperity in our own way and when we don't receive it we weep in bitterness. Prosperity is only found in the way of the Lord.

 

MAL 2:15 "But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then, to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth.

 

Malachi is rebutting their appeal to Abraham's conduct towards Hagar. Apparently the people had justified their actions in claiming that Abraham dismissed Hagar from his tent. This had no application to what they were doing. This gives us another reason for bitterness, which is self-justification.

 

The men claimed Abraham and Hagar as justification for dismissing their wives. Falsely applied scripture will not fend off the bitterness that is sure to come from a lack of virtue.

 

MAL 2:16 "For I hate divorce," says the Lord, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the Lord of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously."

 

Without the love of Christ, the husband will only seek for what his wife can give to him, legitimate and illegitimate.

 

It is natural to imagine such a husband who is without agape to be wanting something sinful from his wife, and although that is sometimes the case, the situation is not always so. He may desire good things from her, and her weaknesses and flaws get in the way of their realization. He sees her as weak and sinful, and his heart fills with bitterness rather than forgiveness, grace, and mercy. He forgets that he is also flawed and sinful at times. He forgets the sister passage to this one in Eph 5 which states that he is to love her as Christ loves the church, flaws and all. It is not attraction. No one is attracted to flaws. It is sacrifice with a real desire to see her prosper in God's plan.

 

Also, the husband is not sacrificing so that she can abuse finances or shirk her responsibilities or rebel against his authority, but sacrificing for her well-being as God would define it.

 

The husband does not give up his authority. He is as Christ is to the church; merciful, gracious, giving, loving, and not entitling that which is wrong, but that which is right.