Ruth: 1:20-21; The doctrine of bitterness, part 7 - avoiding bitterness in marriage.

Title: Ruth: 1:20-21; The doctrine of bitterness, part 7 - avoiding bitterness in marriage.  

 

Avoiding bitterness in marriage:

Husbands are commanded to not be bitter against their wives.

 

COL 3:18 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

 

COL 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be embittered against them.

 

The word "fitting" refers to an obligation. The imperfect tense of the verb shows us that it has always been an obligation of the wife "in the Lord."

 

"love" - agape: sacrificial love that seeks the benefit of his wife and her well being in God's plan. He will sacrifice himself and his own wishes.

 

The love that was shown at Calvary, the love produced in the heart of the yielded saint by the Holy Spirit, the love that will cause the husband to sacrifice himself and his own wishes in the interest of the well-being of the wife.

 

The implication is clear. If the husband does not have agape love in his heart towards his wife, then he will eventually become bitter against her.

 

Christian marriage is to represent the union of Christ and the church. No union is so blessed.

 

Marriage is a big part of our lives. We would all desire it to be as wonderful as the union of Christ and the church. Sometimes the husband or the wife behaves badly, or doesn't give what the other expects. But this is true in the church as well. Members of the church don't always do what they should and sometimes they behave badly, but it is the love of Christ that keeps us going. Because of His love we find that we can pick ourselves back up and keep going in grace without condemnation.

 

The command for the wives to love their husbands is stated in a slightly different way.

 

TIT 2:1 But as for you, speak the things which are fitting for sound doctrine.

 

TIT 2:2 Older men are to be temperate, dignified, sensible, sound in faith, in love, in perseverance.

 

TIT 2:3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips, nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good,

 

TIT 2:4 that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands [philandrous], to love their children,

 

Philandrous is only used here in the Bible. It simply means to love your husband. This begins a list of things that a Christian wife is to be. The reason given is not so she can make her husband and children happy, although she will, or that the house is tidy, or that she dishonors her husband, but that the word of God may not be dishonored. This is the case because Christian marriage is to represent the relationship of the Lord and His church, the bond of which is the word of God.

 

TIT 2:5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored.

 

The husband is to agape his wife and be to her like Christ is to the church, the wife is to agape and phileo [sometimes synonymous terms] her husband and be subject to him - so that God's word may not be dishonored.

 

Both agape and phileo are used of the love of the Father for the Son in the gospel of John. Both are used for the love of the Father for the believer in the gospel of John, and also for Christ's love of the apostle John. However, agape is used far more often in the Bible and agape is always used in commands for the believer to love the Father.

 

In Greek literature, phileo would have more of an aspect of affection and cherishing. Since the scripture was written to a Greek speaking world, we would imagine philandrous [love your husbands] to be interpreted this way.

 

When "love" is used toward a good thing, then agape and phileo are interchangeable, although agape is more noble, in that it retains the element of sacrifice for benefiting the other. Phileo retains the idea of pleasure in love, so then, when God the Father loves the Son and the believer, there is both sacrifice and pleasure. And so, we would conclude that the love of the wife for her husband is the same.

 

Philandrous: the wife is to love sacrificially, as she does to all people, and she is to derive pleasure from loving her husband. This can only be when she loves as unto the Lord.

 

I found it difficult to find reliable divorce statistics. Whatever the numbers, divorce is a reality in our culture. It would be a real testimony to the church if Christians almost never got divorced, but the reality is that they do. God speaks of divorce in His revelation, which is important to our study of bitterness in marriage.

 

I know several Christians who have gotten divorced. I cannot speak for the legitimacy of any of those cases. It never is my place or anyone else's to ever do that. What I can speak of is the importance and sanctity that God applies to marriage.

 

God places a high value on the marriage covenant. He uses marriage as representing His covenant with Israel and the church.

 

MAT 19:3 And some Pharisees came to Him, testing Him, and saying, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause at all?"

 

MAT 19:4 And He answered and said, "Have you not read, that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 

 

MAT 19:5 and said, 'For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh'? 

 

The marriage relationship is more endearing and tender than any other, even the child/parent relationship.

 

MAT 19:6 "Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." 

 

"one flesh" - no longer separate interests but of the same spirit, mind, love, and purpose.

 

Some have misconstrued this to simply mean the sexual relationship, as if that is all marriage is for. Some have misconstrued this to mean that they are soul-mates in that they have mirror image souls in what they like, what entertains them, what they like to do, etc. There is even now a new dating app that uses DNA to help people find true love.

 

I read this today:

 

The app finds your perfect match by using the science of genetics. Users are given a Pheramor kit to submit a DNA sample from a simple cheek swab. The DNA sample is used to isolate and scan 11 genes that scientists link to “factors for attraction,” 

 

In addition to the DNA sample, Pheramor builds a profile from social media accounts, taking into account such things as political affiliations and favorite books, movies, and hobbies.

 

The science behind the app is based on pheromones, Barreto [Brittany holds a doctorate in genetics] told the Chronicle. “[W]hen we smell pheromones, what we’re actually smelling is how diverse someone’s immune system is compared to our own.”

“Evolution is very strong. So we’re smelling each other, trying to figure out who is the best person to mate with,” she added. “And that’s what love at first sight actually is. It’s smelling someone’s pheromones from across the room, and your brain says, ‘Oh my Gosh, that’s the most perfect pheromone profile I’ve ever smelled in my entire life. I love them.'”

 

The article is good to mention that the dating app market is worth about billion, and I think Brittany the geneticist is after a big piece of that.

 

The greatest love ever known is Christ for me, and we don't have the same DNA at all, and I can't smell His pheromones. Since He loved the world and died for the world, I'm pretty confident that pheromones don't matter in love.  

 

"One flesh" would mean nothing of this kind. It is easy to see this when we remove all the humanistic garbage concerning romance and human love, and we simply focus on the fact that marriage is a picture of Christ and the church.

 

Paul wrote that he would have completed joy if the church had the same mind, spirit, love, and purpose. How could such a thing exist in all the church when the body of Christ is made up of so many of different ages, personality types, likes, and dislikes? It is because the mind, spirit, love, and purpose that they each love is Christ's, hence it is the same for them all. This is what is to be "one" in Christian marriage.

 

In order for mind, spirit, love, and purpose to be one, both the husband and wife will have to sacrifice for one another at times, laying aside what is legitimate for the service and benefit of the other. We would not imagine that we are to love our fellow man in this way, but not the person whom we have chosen to be closest to in the world.

 

The Pharisees are testing Jesus. They are thinking that they are smart enough to trap Him in a theological paradox.

 

MAT 19:7 They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?"

 

MAT 19:8 He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way.

 

Only God would know that Moses permitted divorce due to their hardness of heart. Only the giver of the Law would know that.

 

The law is given in Deu 24. Both parties were permitted to remarry. The law also stated that if the woman remarried and then divorced, she could not return to her first husband.

 

MAT 19:9 "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery."

 

Verse 9 is not a continuation of the law of Moses. Jesus says, "And I say to you," meaning that this is His law. The only legitimate divorce permitted by Christ is for the case of sexual sin, meaning adultery.

 

If a Christian has in fact remarried and the divorce was not based on sexual sin, then the solution is not another divorce. Sin does not solve or undo other sin, obviously. The point to gather and to hold on to is that God places great importance on marriage. It is one of the foundations of the human race, no matter what a culture may think, and in Christianity, it is to represent the relationship of Christ and the church. When we understand the bigger picture and the importance of that picture, we will be far less liable to bitterness or anger, disappointment, malice, slander, etc. And, we also understand that Christ said that there is no marriage in heaven. By far, most of our existence as Christians will be spent unmarried in the absolute glory of perfection. The only time to glorify Christ in marriage is now.